maplr20

have you ever been an addict.  and im not talking about the hey-i-like-to-do-this-alot type of addict. im talking about the if-i-dont-get-it-right-now-im-going-to-fucking-blow-someones-head-off type of addict.  im an addict.  ive never blown anyone to get it.  i dont think i would.  but i havent been given the opportunity to either.  the reason i say 'i dont think i would' is because i like to pretend that i still have something thats mine.  dignity, pride, standards.  but i know i would easily toss those away just to get it.  i know because i have.  so all i really have is it.  for one hour.  for two hours.  for fifteen minutes

As i stand in the shadows I hide behind my smile No one knows the real me Becasue i will not let them I hide behind different mask everyday People think they know what i've been through But they have no idea People just don't understand me They always assume the worst when they first see me They'll never understand what i'm about I try to open up to people But they just can't handle it So as i take life one step at a time I always know the truth shall set me free

You tried to save me, but I failed you. I paid you no mind when you were right, my voice of reason. You were trying to stop this you saw it coming, and I blew you off like a leaf off of a tree in the middle of October. I apologize for this, for I knew not the consequence. You knew them all and I didn't listen. I still proceeded to inflict irreversible damage to myself and I know someday there may be a cure, but until then, I am at the mercy of the more volatile elements. Please forgive me as I now know the error of my masochistic ways.